My Unfinished Novel..That I'm Finishing

Chapter 1
OK, so you know how in movies and on TV shows, someone does something and all her friends get mad at her, but then she makes a big apology or some grand gesture and they all forgive her? Yeah well real life is nothing like that. People aren’t as forgiving when there are no ratings to hold onto. I stared into the mirror and sighed at the big zit that had made my chin its home in the middle of the night. I was staring and sighing when my mom poked her head in my door.
“It’s stress,” she said pointing to my zit. Damn. I was hoping it wouldn’t be noticeable from across the room. She stood in the doorway clicking the toe of her stiletto heel. She walked across the creaky hardwood floor and stood behind me in the mirror. Gathering my tangled mass of brown curls in her hands, she piled them on top of my head and tilted my chin with her finger.
I rolled my eyes and sidestepped her away from the mirror. “Mom, I’m late.” I headed to the bathroom to wash my face. I heard her heels clicking away as she went downstairs to eat her grapefruit. My mom was a strong believer in the health powers of grapefruit. I personally thought it tasted awful, but she always put out a half for me too.
After washing my face, I changed out of my pajama bottoms into a pair of jeans that were crumpled behind the door. Sniffing the t-shirt I slept in, I decided it was fine. I wasn’t exactly worried about looking nice these days. No one ever looked at me anyway. Actually, most people made it a point not to look at me. Jessica Hargrove was not looking at me so hard the other day that she ran into the trashcan outside the girl’s bathroom.
“Libby!” my mom’s voice floated up the stairs. “Get a move on if you want a ride to school.” Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I bounded down the stairs. It was either get ready early enough to ride with Mom, or take the bus. No way was I taking the bus. A person can only get so much spit in their hair. My mom was standing by the front door looking impeccable in her gray suit. She frowned when she saw me, but didn’t say anything. I’m sure she was wondering how a woman like her ended up with such a mess for a daughter. I brushed past her grabbing my backpack on the way out the door.
We rode without talking, but it didn’t matter because Mom was deeply immersed in her new self-improvement audio book. She was always leaving the ones she had already listened to on my dresser. They immediately found their way to bottom of my closet.
Since Mom drove me, I always got to school early. That was actually a good thing because it gave me a chance to make it to the library without being seen. As we pulled in front of the rambling brick building, I saw this was not a going to be a lucky morning for me. Apparently the cheerleaders were holding an early morning practice before tonight’s game. Jessica Hargrove pranced in front of the lines of girls barking orders and twitching her butt. I was about to tell Mom to pull around back, but it was too late. She had stopped the car and was staring at my expectantly.
“Have a nice day, sweetie,” she smiled and looked down at her watch. I had no choice but to get out of the car. I opened the door slowly and slid out all the time keeping my eyes on the bouncing bodies in front of me.
I was so close to the front doors when I heard a snide voice. “Shouldn’t losers use the back door?” I decided it was best ignore her. “Hey loser,” the voice was right behind me now. “Did you hear what I said?” Jessica Hargrove was breathing heavy on my neck. She reached her hand over my shoulder and shoved the door shut. I had no choice but to turn around and face her. I opened my mouth to speak, but her eyes narrowed in an icy glare. “Don’t you dare speak to me,” she hissed. She jerked the door open and it hit me hard in the shoulder. “Get out of my face.” She shoved me inside and slammed the door on the laughing girls behind me.
I was humiliated, but that was a feeling I’d gotten used to lately. Jessica’s glowering face floated in front of me as I made my way to the library. I couldn’t believe just months ago we had shared a lunch table and even hung out at each other’s houses. I felt the tears coming, but I refused to let them fall. This was my life now. It was my fault, and I had to live with it.
The library was quiet and cool. I found my usual back table and sank down into a chair. Ms. Glauber waved to me from her reshelving cart, but I didn’t have the strength to wave back. I put my head on the table and closed my eyes. Before I knew it, the bell rang for first period. As always, I waited until the last possible minute before leaving for AP English to avoid the crowded hallways.
I entered the classroom with my head down and made my way to my seat in the back. This morning there were only three piece of gum in the seat. An improvement over yesterday’s eleven. I put down a piece a notebook paper, so I wouldn’t stick. “Bitch,” someone hissed in my direction, but I didn’t even bother to look up.
“Good morning, class.” I looked up to see not Ms. Thompson, but Mr. Michaels, our principal. I tried not to catch his eye. He was also a charter member of the I Hate Libby Club. “I am happy to say that Ms. Thompson finally had her baby boy last night, so I want to introduce you to your teacher for the rest of the year.” I looked up to see a young handsome man standing awkwardly beside Mr. Michaels. He smiled, and my heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t have been much older than us. “Please make Mr. Anderson feel welcome.” He was making that last remark as he headed for the door. Mr. Anderson stood uncertainly in the front of the room as we all stared at him expectantly.
His face broke into a grin. “Whew, principals always make me nervous. How about you?” The class laughed, and he moved to the desk. “I’m sorry to say that this job was given to me a bit unexpectedly, so I’m not as prepared as I would like.” As he talked, he took off his sports coat and loosened his tie. I noticed several of the girls in the class lean forward anxious for him to remove more, but we were in no such luck. He picked up a stack of papers. “Ms. Thompson left me this test for today, so I’ll guess we’ll start there.” The class groaned, and Mr. Anderson chuckled. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you few minutes to look over your notes first, and then we’ll get started.”
Everyone pulled out their notebooks and began pawing through the pages of notes Ms. Thompson had given us. I didn’t move, but I kept watching Mr. Anderson as he sat down behind the desk and stretched. I noticed that he had stubble on his face and his wavy black hair was still wet from the shower. I wondered how last minute this position had been. He looked up and smiled at me, but I quickly began searching for my notes. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. It wouldn’t be long before he found out about me, and he would feel the same way as everyone else.
I breezed through the test and made it to second period without incident. The truth was, since I didn’t have any friends I’d become a much better student. All I ever did was study and go to work at the video store. I was saving for a car, and my plan was to be able to buy one before graduation.
I floated through the rest of the day as a ghost. No one saw me or talked to me, except a few teachers. Mom was waiting for me after school. She smiled as I flopped into the passenger seat. “Are you working tonight?” she chirped. Her good mood made my head hurt.
“No. Tomorrow.” I stared out the window as the manicured lawns slipped by. I suddenly noticed that instead of a droning voice about “the inner you” coming from the radio, there was music. “What’s with the music?” It was so unusual that I had to ask.
Mom seemed thrilled that I wanted to start a conversation. “Oh, I just felt like it today.” She looked at me like a kid with a big secret. “Actually, I kind of have a date tonight.” This was news. She’d sworn off dating last year after a string of bad set ups and said she needed to get to know herself, hence all the self improvement crap. I raised my eyebrows, but didn’t speak. “I know what you’re thinking,” she said happily, “but I think I’m ready. Plus, he’s nice, and this is the third time he’s asked me out. You have to admire persistence about reaching a goal.”
I looked out the window again and watched our house come into view. The two story Victorian started to look run down after my dad left, but part of mom’s self improvement involved getting the house painted and hiring a regular lawn service. Mom was humming as she followed me up the driveway. I hurried to my room before she started talking more about her date. I checked my answering machine out of habit, but I wasn’t surprised to see that the light was not blinking. My parents got me my own line in middle school because I was keeping the house line tied up all the time. These days, it was definitely unnecessary.
I pulled my laptop out of its case and brought the screen to life. My cat, Hector, poked his big black head out from under the bed. I swear he only came out of his hiding place to eat and use the litter box. Other than that, we never really saw him. My first impulse was to check my old MySpace page, but since it got overloaded with nasty comments and messages all the time, I took it down. It’s funny how so many things become habits. My new page was completely anonymous. No pictures or clues for anyone to figure out it was me. I scrolled through the comments from some friends from an online writing group. The internet was much less interesting for me than it used to be. I clicked over to Jessica’s page, and sure enough she still had the open invitation to the I Hate Libby Club. Did you think I was just being overdramatic earlier? I wish.
I decided I’d been tortured enough for one day and was about to shut down when I got an idea. I pulled up the school’s homepage and Crossroads High floated across the screen. I clicked on the News section, and looked for Ms. Thompson’s name. There was the news about her labor and info about the baby and where to send things, but at the bottom was what I was really looking for. ‘Please welcome Mr. Evan Anderson as the new Senior AP English teacher until Ms. Thompson returns.’
I clicked back over to MySpace and searched. He wasn’t hard to find. Most teachers didn’t have pages, but he seemed young enough not to have thought better of it. He was only 22. His page said he just graduated from Columbia University with a teaching degree in English, and that he wanted to connect with kids. Not that it mattered, but I did note that his status was single. I toyed with the idea of leaving him a comment, but instead clicked on his friends. I was impressed with his musical tastes, and his favorite book, To Kill a Mockingbird, was also listed at mine. When I listed it on my college application, my advisor said it was cliché, but I didn’t care. It meant something to me.
“Libby,” my mom said softly as she knocked on my door. I quickly shut down the computer and unlocked the door. My mom shuffled in wearing her robe with her hair in a towel. Pre-date wear, I remembered it well. “Honey, are you upset about me going out tonight? You were so quiet in the car.” Was she crazy? I’d been quiet for the last six months.
“No, Mom.” I forced a smile. “I’m just tired. Long week at school.” I picked up the calculus textbook that was on my bed. “Whoever said senior year’s a breeze didn’t got to Crossroads.”
Her face broke into a relieved grin. “Oh, well that’s understandable. I’m so glad it’s not me adding to your stress.” Her hand went to her chin, but I pretended not to notice. “I’d really like you meet Glen. He’s picking me up at seven.” She looked so eager that I couldn’t turn her down. I just nodded and opened my calculus book. She left the room humming again.
When I opened my eyes, it was dark outside. The math book was on my nightstand, and my comforter was pulled up to my chin. According to the digital clock next to my bed it was just after ten. Oops. I guess I missed Glen. My stomach let out a growling howl, so I forced myself to go down to the kitchen to scavenge for dinner. Since my mother became more self-aware, she didn’t have as much time for cooking or grocery shopping, so I was surprised to find the fridge and the pantry fully stocked. I popped a frozen pizza in the oven and grabbed a bag of chips on my way to the couch. My Friday nights had really turned into a fun fest.
I surfed the channels before settling on a teary Lifetime movie about a runaway teenager. Lucky girl, I thought as the timer went off on the oven. By the time I got back in with my pizza, she was already turning tricks on some neon street corner. I fell back asleep before she could make her big transformation and return home to her worried parents.
This time my mom shaking me awakened me. My plate with the pizza crusts was still in my lap. “Honey, why don’t you go to bed?” She put her hand on my forehand. “You must be sick with all this sleeping. We’re just going to have a quick nightcap.” I peered over her shoulder at the man standing in the foyer. He was mostly a shadow among the coat rack and the potted plants.
Mom followed my gaze and smiled. “Glen, it’s OK. You can come on in.” He shuffled into the living room and gave me a shy smile. “Glen, this is my Libby. Libby this is Glen.” He reached his hand over the couch to shake mine. I did so quickly.
They were both just staring at me with these goofy smiles. “Um, I guess I’m going to bed,” I said.
I reached down to get my plate, but Mom stopped me. “Don’t worry about that, honey. I’ll take care of it. You just get some rest.” She reached to feel my forehead again, but I stopped her. “Maybe you should stay home from work tomorrow.” I felt guilty at her concerned look.
“I’m fine, Mom. Just needed some rest,” I said as I headed for the stairs. I could hear the low murmur of Glen’s voice and my mom laughing as I shut my door. Hector was actually sitting on my bed, but when I reached to pet him, he bolted back to his hiding place. Without undressing, I crawled under the covers and fell into a deep sleep.

Chapter 2
I awoke the next morning to find my mom singing along to classic rock station as she made breakfast. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw stacks of pancakes on the table. There was no grapefruit in sight. I was drying my hair with a towel when I stopped short at the table. I saw three place settings. I looked from the table to my mom and back again. She couldn’t have. Not on a first date, could she? She turned around from the stove carrying a plate of bacon and took in my horrified face. A loud peal of laughter burst from her mouth.
“It’s not what you think, Lib.” She continued laughing as she pulled the orange juice from the fridge. “I was telling Glen about the lawn guy moving away and how I hadn’t replaced him yet, and he simply insisted on coming over today to help with the yard work. Since he was coming anyway, I decided to invite him to breakfast.”
Just then, the doorbell rang. “Hon, can you get that?” mom asked as she bent over the table arranging a vase of flowers I’d never noticed before.
I walked to the door in a daze. When I opened it, Glen was standing there wearing ratty jeans and sneakers and a Pink Floyd T-shirt. “I’m ready to work,” he announced in a playful voice. I couldn’t help smiling at his make shift tool belt full of gardening tools. When he saw it was me who opened the door, and not my mom his face turned red. “Oops, thought you were Babs.”
“No problem. Breakfast is this way.” I led him to the kitchen where Mom was waiting by the now brimming table.
“Glen,” she gushed, “don’t you look cute?” She looked at me and blushed. I pretended not to notice and started piling my plate. She and Glen discussed yard work as I ate eyeing the clock. It was 9:30, and I had to be at work at 10:30 to open the store.
“So Libby,” Glen started, “you mom tells me that you work at a video store. How do you like it?”
At least he didn’t ask me about school. “It’s OK,” I said.
He waited for me to elaborate, and when I didn’t, he moved back to the yard conversation.
Shoving the last syrupy bite in my mouth, I pushed my chair back from the table. “I’ve gotta go to work,” I said as I hurried out of the room. They didn’t seem to notice I was gone.
I stood in front of my closet and wished I’d done a load of laundry the night before. Unlike school, I actually kind of cared how I looked at work. I decided on a knee length denim skirt, a fitted polo, and my Converse sneakers. It was October, but the air outside still got warm in the afternoon. I grabbed a zip up hoodie just in case. My hair was almost dry and hung in loose waves down my back. I was lucky in the hair department, but not so much with complexion. The big zit still stared back at me from the mirror. The concealer helped a little, but I decided to stick it in my pocket in case I needed to reapply later.
I grabbed my bag and headed back downstairs. Mom’s laughter floated in from the kitchen. “I’m leaving,” I said and scooped the car keys off the table. It was pretty much understood that I could have the cars on Saturdays when Mom didn’t have any big plans.
Mom and Glen came in from the kitchen holding coffee mugs and smiling at each other. She gave me an appreciative glance. “Libby, you look so nice today. I wish you would –“ She seemed to think better of what she was going to say and stopped. “Have a nice time at work, honey,” she said and smiled.
Glen gave me a wave, “You won’t recognize the lawn when you get back. Call if you get lost.” Mom snorted at his joke, and I smiled.
“OK, bye.”
The sun hit me like a force when I walked out the front door. I immediately realized I would not be needing the hoodie this morning and threw it in the backseat. I slid behind the wheel and adjusted the seat. My mom bought the Chrysler Sebring right after the divorce. She said she always wanted a convertible, and now there was no one to stop her. I thought it was silly at first, but after a few drives in the country with the top down and that trip to the beach, I realized what she meant. I pushed the button to lower the top and reached for my IPod to plug into the tape player. The Shins filled the car as I backed down the driveway.
In my mind, I was leaving for college. Berkely, or some college near a beach where no one knew me, and I could start over and not make stupid mistakes.
The parking lot at the strip mall where Volumes of Videos is located was deserted. The only other store was a Mexican grocery. The rest of space was taken up by a church. I don’t know what they worshipped, but people came and went at all hours of the day and night. I tried to steer clear of them.
Flipping on the lights, I screamed at what I thought was man behind the counter, but it was just a life size cut out of Captain Kirk. Did I mention that Volumes is not your main stream Blockbuster type of store? We carry new releases, but we also specialize in sci fi, anime, foreign films, and other hard to find stuff that make movies geeks feel so superior for knowing about. This wasn’t my first choice for a part time job. I applied at all the usuals: Abercrombie, American Eagle, even the Gap.
I put this application in on a dare, from Jessica Hargrove actually. We were looking for the latest Johnny Depp movie, but all the big stores were out. We decided Volumes’s usual clientele wouldn’t be scrambling for it. We were right. There were more than enough copies on the shelf. Standing in line snickering at the Star Trek geeks in front of us, Jessica saw the sign.
“Hey look, they’re hiring,” she laughed pointing at the same cut out of Captain Kirk that scared me. He was holding a sign advertising for part time help.
“Yeah, right. I don’t think so,” I said dismissing the idea as a joke.
“I think I smell chicken.” Jessica started sniffing around. “Yep, that’s chicken alright.”
I rolled my eyes. I was not getting sucked into this. I stepped up to pay for the movie, but Jessica shoved her way in front of me. She batted her blue eyes at the nerdy cashier and flipped her long blond hair. “So, you’re hiring for part time help?” she asked sweetly smiling at the gaping guy.
“Uh-uh yeah,” he stuttered. “Are you interested in applying?” He reached under the counter for an application.
Jessica put on a pretend pout. “No, I can’t. I already have a job modeling lingerie.” She winked at him, and I was waiting for him to pass out or explode. “But,” she went on, “my friend here is very interested. Isn’t that right Libby?” Jessica snatched the application from him and shoved it in my face. She leaned forward clucking softly.
I grabbed the paper from her and moved to the side of the counter. “Fine,” I said irritably. I filled out the application and handed it back to the guy.
He was still watching Jessica who had moved to the For Sale section and was bending over to look at the movies on the bottom rack. “Thanks,” he said still staring at Jessica’s thong peaking out of the top of her low-rise jeans. I shoved the money for the movie at him, grabbed Jessica, and dragged her out of the store.
She was laughing hysterically as she buckled her seat belt. “I bet I know what he’ll be dreaming about tonight.” She winked suggestively at me as she started the ignition.
“You are such a slut,” I said and shook my head.
As it turned out, the other places never called, but Volumes did. I interviewed with owner who was a huge Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan and was impressed that I had watched a few episodes. They offered me the job, I wanted to start saving for a car, so I took it. It’s actually one of the best things Jessica ever did for me. The hours are flexible; the staff is funny and a little quirky (like the “nerd” who was enraptured with Jessica is really this silly guy who loves to play jokes on everyone, hence Captain Kirk giving me a scare.)
I put Kirk back in his place by the front door and headed to the back to get my till flipping on lights as I went. I loved being the first one there because who ever opened got to pick the 1st CD. That was another cool thing about working at Volumes. We got to play whatever we wanted over the store’s stereo. Before I started working here, my knowledge of music was limited to the top 40 station and my mom’s old Beatle records. Other than the Beatles, nothing I would have listened to before would have been allowed near Volume’s stereo, but I’d learned a lot in the past two years. I pulled a Metric CD from the stack and put it on full blast. The first customer that came in winced and covered her ears, so I turned it down a little.
I knew Carly would be impressed. She took the time to introduce me to new bands. Every time she got a new CD, she made me a copy. Before I started working at Volumes, I would never have given someone like Carly a second look. But when Vince, the owner, hired her this summer, I could tell I liked her right away. I didn’t even notice her spiky pink hair or nose ring most of the time. Plus she was so funny and real. You always knew she was being honest with you even if she had to hurt your feelings.
Carly walked in and stopped cocking her head to the side listening to the music. She gave me a thumbs up on her way to the back. Her pink hair was starting to fade, but I guess that’s why she had it extra spiky today. She was wearing a tank top and a long hippy skirt with stiletto heels. On anyone else, it would have looked ridiculous, but Carly made it work.
She put her till in the register and leaned on the counter yawning so wide I could see her tonsils. “Late night?” I asked.
“More like no night,” she said taking the lid off her coffee cup and dumping in a bunch of sugar. She gulped it down, but it didn’t look like it was doing her any good. “Marshall’s band played at this new club. They didn’t go on until one, and then there was the after party.” She yawned again. “I seriously considered calling in, but I need the money.” Her boyfriend, Marshall, played in an alt rock band, so she was always telling me about her late nights at clubs. I envied her having a boyfriend, but also one in a band. Plus he’s super sweet to her. He’s always stopping by with lunch or snacks for both of us when she tells him she’s working with me.
“What about you? Do anything fun last night?” I tried to remember back to last time I had done anything fun on a Friday night, but it was fuzzy. I think it was me and Jessica sneaking out of her dad’s house to go to a frat party the next town over. But now that I think back on it, it wasn’t really all that fun.
“Nope. Just slept and watched T.V.” I wished I had something more exciting to relay. It made me feel like such a loser.
“You sure are a homebody,” she said. “What do you and your friends do for fun? I never hear you talk about them.”
I knew this would come up sooner or later. I should have made up a social life. No one at the store knew that I was social outcast. A few of them mentioned that they hadn’t seen any of my friends around lately, but that was it, and I didn’t elaborate.
“Well,” I started. I really didn’t want to lie to Carly, but I couldn’t stand the thought of what she would think of me if I told her the truth. “I’m just really trying focus on my school work this year. I want to get into a good college.” That was partly true. If I couldn’t get a scholarship, I’d be stuck with a state school.
Carly didn’t look completely convinced, but she let it drop. About that time Neil, the prankster, breezed in and leaned on the counter. “Have a good scream this morning, Libby?” He was laughing and looking around for Kirk.
“Ha Ha, you get funnier every day.” I turned around to take the movies out of the overnight drop bin.
He wasn’t leaving. “So where’s sexy Jessica lately? I’m really missing those incredible—“ He stopped and waggled his eyebrows. “Wits.” He almost fell over laughing at himself.
“Who’s Jessica?” Carly asked as she absentmindedly flipped through an old copy of Jane.
“Just Libby’s bestest friend ever,” Neil said in a high-pitched voice.
“She’s not my best friend,” I said as I arranged the movies to put back on the shelf.
“Oh really?” Neil laughed. “Then why was she always in here talking to you the last two years?”
“It was just a cover up,” I said sarcastically. “She really just had a crush on you.”
He whooped as I pushed past him to shelve the movies. “I knew it!” he yelled and beat his chest. “Me manly man. Get girl. Good.”
Carly shoved him away from the counter. “Get a life, and go clock in.” He swaggered to the back disappearing into the office.
We stayed pretty busy most of the afternoon, but by five the store was dead. Marshall came in smelling of soap and looking like he’d just stepped out of the shower. Carly pretended to glare at him. “Did you just get up?” she asked.
“No,” he winked at me. “It was like an hour ago.”
“Must be nice,” Carly sighed. “What’s in the bag?” She pointed to the plain brown paper bag he sat on the counter.
“Just a little gift for my hard working love and her partner in crime.” He pulled two Krispy Kreme jelly filled doughnuts out and set them on two napkins he produced from his pocket.
“You’re a doll,” Carly said grabbing hers and sliding mine to me across the counter. “I needed a sugar fix.” She put most of the doughnut in her mouth at once.
“Thanks, Marshall,” I said taking a bite and feeling the jelly squirt in my mouth.
“So what’s up for tonight?” Carly asked wiping the powdered sugar on her skirt. She had kicked her shoes to the corner by the big window.
“I think Walt’s friend who just moved here is having a party,” Marshall said. “Wanna go?”
“We’d love to,” Carly said.
“We?” Marshall asked, and I looked up in time to see Carly looking in my direction.
“Yeah, we.” She turned to me. “You need a night out. All this studying can’t be good for you.”
“I don’t think I can,” I started. Carly was nice, but I didn’t think I would have much in common with her friends. Actually, I didn’t think they would think I was cool enough.
“Why not?” Carly looked at me hard. “It seems you’re on the outs with your friends, so you might make some new ones. We won’t bite.”
“Yeah,” Marshall joined in. “Come with us. We’ll get you home at a reasonable hour.”
“She’s coming,” Carly said. She pointed at the clock. “It’s six. We’ll meet up here at eight.” I just stared at her. “Well you better clock out, so you can go home and get ready.”
“OK,” I said numbly. I guess I was going to a party.

Chapter 3
As it turned out, there was no need to for me leave early, so I could “get ready” for the party. The clothes I wore to work were pretty much my only option since everything else was wither dirty or looked like I should be sleeping in it. I pulled out my laptop and logged onto MySpace. Mr. Anderson was online. I decided to send him a messaged under my secret identity.
Writerchic: Why did you want to be a teacher?
I was really curious why a guy like him would take up the profession. He seemed cool. I mean he went to Columbia, so what would make him want to move to this Podunk town and teach high school. Maybe he was repaying some loan or something through teaching in a boring area. He replied almost immediately to my alias, who was a 25 year old writer living on the beach on San Diego by the way. Hey, a girl can dream. I expected that some old sappy speech about molding young minds and if he touched just one kid’s life, it would all be worth it, but he surprised me.
Evan231: The vacations are great. Plus have you ever seen how hot the high school girls are these days………. I am just kidding. Please don’t report me to the authorities.
I laughed out loud at his response. He had nerve. I was about to respond, but my mom knocked on my door. I quickly logged out and called, “Come in.”
She stuck her head inside. “Why are you already home from work?” The rest of her body eased into the room. I noticed she was still wearing her yard work clothes and those hideous gardening clogs. She looked tired, but happy.
“Um, Carly from work wants me to hang out with her tonight, so I came home to..” Well it obviously wasn’t to change. “To get my sweater. I’m supposed to meet her. Can I use the car again?”
I thought she was going to explode she looked so happy. I guess it had been a while since I’d done anything outside the house besides school and work. “Sure, honey. Glenn and I are just going to order in. We’re beat.”
The thought of my mom and Glenn spending a night alone on our couch was a little weird, but I tried not to think about it. She beamed at me as she shut the door. I looked at the clock and realized I needed to get moving if I was going to meet Carly at the store.
When I pulled into the parking lot, the only lights that glowed where from Volumes. I saw Carly’s beat up Honda parked out front. She was sitting inside applying lipstick. I knocked on the window, and she jumped. Laughing she rolled down the window. “You scared the crap out of me,” she laughed. “Why don’t you just follow me there in case you want to leave before us.”
I looked in the car for the us, but no Marshall. “He’s meeting me there,” Carly said when she saw my puzzled expression.
I really had to work to keep up with Carly. She drove like someone was chasing her and she was trying to lose them. By the time we pulled into the driveway to a small, but well kept house, my knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel. She got out and motioned for me to follow her onto the little porch. Without knocking, she pushed open the red door and we went inside.
I expected it to be grungy because they said a guy was having a party and most guys living on their own aren’t good housekeepers. After looking over the vacuumed rug and throw pillows, I figured he must live with his mom. Boy was I wrong. I almost screamed when I saw Mr. Anderson coming out of the kitchen area carrying a beer. I grabbed Carly and dragged her into the small hallway before he could see me.
“What’s the problem? Are you OK? You look sick.” She actually reached out to touch my forehead. I batted her hand away.
“Is that the guy that lives here? The one giving the party?” I looked over her shoulder, but all I could see was this big guy in a flannel shirt.
“Yeah, I think that’s Evan. He just moved here from-“
“New York,” I finished for her.
“How did you know that?”
“He’s my new AP English teacher.”
Carly’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding! He’s a teacher?” She turned around and we both stared at Mr. Anderson chatting up a couple of girls by the now blasting stereo. “They didn’t make them like that when I was in school.”
“I’ve got to get out here.”
“Why? What’s the big deal?”
“Get serious!” I was a little hysterical. “It’s too weird!”
A door opened in the hallway and Marshall stepped out. “Hey babe,” he said and gave Carly a kiss on the cheek. “Hey Lib.” He patted me awkwardly on the shoulder.
“Hey,” I said keeping an eye on Mr. Anderson.
“That’s Evan, right?” Carly pointed in his direction.
“Yep, that’s him. Super nice guy. He said we could crash in the spare room if we get trashed. Hey Evan!” he called.
“No,” Carly and I both hissed at the same time.
Marshall gave us a weird look as Mr. Anderson made his way over. I tried to hide behind the shelf in the hallway, but it was too skinny.
“This is my girl Carly and her-our-friend Libby.” He gestured to us.
Mr. Anderson shook Carly’s hand and then turned to me and stopped. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” he asked knitting his eyebrows.
I wanted to sink into the floor. “Yeah,” my voice was almost a whisper. “From the high school.”
“Are you a teacher?”
I really wanted to lie, but there was no way I could get away with it. “I’m in your senior AP class.” My face felt as red as his was turning.
He looked from me to his beer and back to me. “Well now,” he laughed his face relaxing, “don’t I feel like an old fart.” Marshall and Carly laughed with him.
“I better go,” I said pushing past them. I made it to the porch when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around prepared to face Carly, but it was Mr. Anderson standing there. The beer was noticeably gone, but his face was kind and still a little red.
“You don’t have to go,” he said awkwardly. “I know this is weird, but I don’t want to chase you away from your friends.”
“It’s no big deal,” I said. “I think the principal might frown on you partying with your students, at least during your first week on the job.”
“Hey, how do you know? Mr. Smart seems like a real party animal.” I laughed at the thought of balding middle age Mr. Smart in jeans and t-shirt listening to metal and drinking a beer.
He smiled, “Seriously, you should stay. I won’t say anything, if you don’t.”
I seriously considered it, but I was already too much of a pariah at school. I didn’t want to add to that if anyone found out.
“Nah, nothing against you, but it’s probably better if I don’t.” I thought I caught a look of relief cross his face.
“If you’re sure,” he said. I nodded. “I’ll see you Monday.”
I waved over my shoulder as I headed to my car. I looked back and saw Carly in the doorway shaking her head. I could only imagine what she was going to say me at work on Wednesday.
I got in my car, but I didn’t want to go home. I thought of watching Mom and Glen snuggling on the couch did not appeal to me. I drove around for a while and ended up in Books and Coffee until they closed at midnight. Another exciting weekend for Libby.

Chapter 4
Monday actually started out OK. I made into to school with no incident. The hooplah around me had died down a lot, and most people just ignored me. Jessica was always late on Mondays, so I didn’t even have to worry about her. I was almost in a good mood. In AP English, Mr. Anderson wowed us with his knowledge of Jane Austen. The girls swooned and the guys spent the period shooting him dirty looks.
The bell rang, and I was taking my time as usual to avoid the crowd when Mr. Anderson said, “Libby, can you stay after class for a minute?” The remaining students looked my way, but I kept my eyes on my desk. When the classroom was cleared, I looked up to Mr. Anderson grinning at me. “And how was your weekend?” he asked coming to sit on the desk in front of me.
I couldn’t help but smile. “Full of excitement as usual.”
“Look, about Saturday night. I’m sorry if that was weird for you. Carly seemed sad to see you leave. She said you needed some fun.” He stopped and looked over at the window. “Is everything OK here at school? I never see you talking to anybody.”
My smile was fading fast. “We’re in class. I didn’t think we were supposed to talk.”
“Yeah, right, but in the hallways, and I was in the lunchroom and I saw you get your lunch and leave without talking to anyone.”
“Maybe I was meeting someone outside.” I didn’t like where this was going. I was not going to see the counselor. I wasn’t her favorite person either. “What are you doing? Stalking me?”
His face reddened, and he stuttered, “N-n-no, I just-“
I cut him off and stood up, “Look, if you want to play the role of concerned teacher, don’t bother with me. No one at this school, that includes a lot of the teachers and administration, wants to have anything to do with me. And it’s my fault they don’t. Ask around. You’ll see, and they you won’t want to talk to me either!” I took off for the door before he could say a word.
I slammed myself in the handicapped stall in the girls’ bathroom. I waited, but the tears didn’t come. The only teacher in this school to take any interest in me, and I yell at him. The bell rang, but I didn’t move. Who cared if I went to class? I looked out in the hallway, and was thankful to see it was empty. I walked to the hallway and right out of the school. I spent the rest of the day reading in the park.
I met my mom in front of the school and lied about my great day. I got home, grabbed a bag of chips, and went straight to my room. I was checking my fake MySpace page when I got an instant message.
Evan231: How’s the weather in CA? Caught any good waves lately?
Writerchic: Sunny as usual, but haven’t had any time for waves. How about you?
Evan231: If I see a wave around here, I’ll try to catch it :0) This teaching gig is harder than I thought. I don’t remember teenagers being so crazy.
Writerchic: Any particular crazies today?
Evan231: Well, one of the girls in my AP English class. She really let me have it today. I don’t know….
Writerchic: Girls can be crazy. Maybe she’s had it rough.
Evan231: Apparently she pissed a lot of people off last year with a website she had.
Oh god! He knew…today when he was trying to talk to me. I knew he would find out, but I just didn’t want to think about it. My computer binged.
Evan231: Still there?
Writerchic: Sorry. I’ve got to run. Talk to you later.
I logged off before he could respond and sat staring at the screen. I wondered how much he actually knew. I closed my laptop and lay back on my bed. The memories that I had held at bay came washing around me in a sea of humiliation and regret. The morning when it all came out. I was just getting out of the shower and beginning my hour long routine of cosmetics and flat ironing. The phone rang, and I remembered being surprised. Who called anyone before ten on a summer morning?
Jessica’s name flashed on the caller id. I smiled thinking she was calling to tell me about the date she had the night before.
“Well, well must have been a hot one if you’re calling me this early to tell me about it.” I expected giggling or groaning or some response from her to give me a clue about the date, but I was met with silence. “Jess? Are you there?”
“Yes.” He voice was frozen with a cold that I had now gotten very familiar with. “Or should I say yes, Cassie Crossroads.”
I slumped back on the bed letting her words sink in. She knew, and if she knew that meant everyone would know.
“Your life is over,” she hissed and slammed down the phone. That was the second that my high school life as I had known it ended.
Cassie Crossroads happened by accident. MySpace was new, and I had just gotten my new laptop. I decided to create a fake page under the name Cassie Crossroads. She was supposed to be a fake student at my high school. I posted some funny observations about some teachers and the cafeteria food. I never thought anyone would see it. But a few weeks later, some of the kids at my lunch table were going on and on about how funny she was and wondering whom she could be. If I could go back in time, I would have come clean right then, but I liked what they were saying and the attention, even if I was the only one aware of it.
I went home that night and posted some more stuff, and the next day everyone was talking about it. I felt like a celebrity in my own my head, which at that point was starting to get too big. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I posted my first bit of school gossip.
Claire Reece, a senior cheerleader, has been busted smoking pot in the girl’s bathroom. I happened to be in the last stall when she and her best friend Patty Rice came in. They didn’t even check the stalls. Not that they would have seen me, since I pulled my feet up on the toilet. I was supposed to be in chemistry, and just didn’t feel like it that day. I started to smell it and almost choked, but then Patty left. Right after she left, Ms. Wong came in and busted Claire. Claire cried and begged her not to tell anyone. Ms. Wong didn’t say anything, but Cassie Crossroads wasn’t as discreet. The next day the whole school was buzzing, and Claire spent most of her day hiding in the library. How ironic that now that’s what I spend most of my days doing.
It just snowballed from there. I was part of one of the most popular cliques in school. I was privy to all kinds of secrets that found their way onto the page. I even included some small things about myself so no one would be suspicious. Most of them were harmless, but some caused some permanent damage. I didn’t care though. Everyone loved the page even when something about them was posted. It made them feel like celebrities.
Then Jessica made out with Scott Jackson. He was a senior I’d had a crush on forever, and she knew it. She sad she was sorry and she didn’t mean for it to happen, but I was so mad. I decided that since I was too scared to actually confront her myself, I’d let Cassie take care of her for me. There were plenty of secrets I knew about Jessica that I had never put on the page, but since she wanted to play dirty, I figured they were fair game. It was a week before junior year was over, and Cassie alerted the whole school that she’d heard a big one everyone’s favorite cheerleader, Jessica Hargrove. I told everyone about the party at the beginning of the year where Jessica passed out in the bedroom and woke up with Chip Smithers, a freshman geek.
I got to school the next day secretly excited to see what everyone would be saying, but my little plan backfired. I hadn’t counted on how much everyone liked and followed Jessica. She had a good sized group gathered on the front lawn.
“Libby,” she called to me as I got closer.
“Hi,” I said uncertainly. “What’s going on?”
“Didn’t you read Cassie Crossroads last night?” Her eyes flashed.
“Um no, I didn’t. I fell asleep. Why?” I looked around at the rest of the group, and they all looked angry too.
“That bitch, or whoever she is, has gone too far.” People in the group chorused yeah behind me.
My stomach began to sink. They didn’t have any idea it was me, but I was still very uneasy. I left overhearing Jessica’s threat. “If I find out who this traitor is, I’ll make the rest of their days at Crossroads a living hell.” I didn’t realize how serious she was.
School got out, and a lot of the hooplah died down. I noticed Cassie’s page was getting less and less hits, so I toyed with the idea of taking it down. How I wish I had. Little did I know, Jessica had enlisted the help of some of the tech geeks to help her figure out who Cassie was. She never told me which makes me wonder if she suspected me then. It didn’t take long with Jessica breathily lustily down their necks for them to hack into the system and find out it was me. It’s been pretty much down hill from there.
I didn’t even try to call her back that morning. I didn’t call anyone, but everyone started calling me. I was getting nasty threats and messages on my machine. Apparently, it was alright for an unknown to gossip about everyone, but once they had an identity, that was a different story. My phone stayed unplugged for the rest of the summer, but no one forgot about me.

Chapter 5
I didn’t get much sleep, so I looked worse than usual when Mom dropped me off at school. It was raining, so no one was in the courtyard. I trudged slowly toward the library and slumped down at my table in the back. Ms. Glauber smiled at me as she made her way to quiet down some basketball players using the trashcan to practice shots. She’s one of the few people I didn’t write about on Cassie’s page, so she didn’t have any reason to hate me.
I was dreading first period and seeing Mr. Anderson. I had tried so hard to forget about everything that happened and set my sights on the future, but it was impossible. I looked up to see Russ Wilcox staring in my direction. I’d written about his latent bed wetting habit, so I couldn’t imagine he was up to anything good. He leaned over and whispered something to his other basketball buddies, and they all laughed. I slumped down lower in my chair and waited for the bell. It rang, and I took my time getting up.
Russ took his time and was standing by the door as I got up to leave. Why wouldn’t he just go? I finally decided to brave my way into the hall, but seeing me coming Russ blocked the door. I looked around for Ms. Glauber, but she was nowhere in sight.
“Well, if it isn’t our own Chatty Cathy.” His smile almost looked friendly, but I was used to this.
After everything happened, a few kids pretended to not be that mad at me, and then find a way to humiliate me. Mary Mallory had waited for me after school one day. She told me she wasn’t mad that I wrote about her cheating on the science final. I was so relieved that she wasn’t cursing or spitting at me, that I almost wept with relief.
“Why don’t we hang out tonight,” she offered. “I’m sure you need some fun after the week you’ve had.” She really looked liked she cared, so I accepted her offer. I was a lot dumber then.
We met at the movies. I was so grateful for her company and forgiveness that I offered to pay for everything. She smiled sweetly and accepted it all. When we got in the theater, Mary insisted we sit close to the front. I happily obliged. While we were waiting for the lights to dim, Mary leaned over to me. “I’ll be right back,” she said.
I settled back in my seat and thought to myself that maybe everything would be OK. Mary had forgiven me. Maybe that meant everyone else would too. I smiled to myself and took a sip of soda. The lights went down, and then I felt it. Something hit me in the back of the head. I reached my hand into my hair and pulled out a partially chewed Milk Dud. I turned around, but I couldn’t really see anyone in the dark. When we’d arrived, the theater was almost empty except for a few older couples. I turned back around, and I felt something hit me again. This time it was a mass of chewed up Gummy worms. I stood up to turn around, but when I did I was suddenly pelted with all kinds of disgusting chewed up food. As I ducked to cover my head and make a run for it, my eyes adjusted to the dark. I saw at least a dozen of my classmates in the rows behind me laughing, and Mary was laughing the hardest of all. As I ran by her, she threw a whole soda at me, drenching my suede skirt.
I could hear them laughing as the doors shut behind me. I sobbed as I ran all the way home. It was so humiliating because my mom was on me as soon as I came in the door. I made up a story about some rowdy kids at the movies and locked myself in my room for the rest of the weekend.
I was not about to trust Russ.
“Excuse me,” I said quietly and reached for the door. Russ wouldn’t budge. I looked up to see him smiling down at me. I began to back away ready to yell for Ms. Glauber.
His expression changed to one of confusion. “Whoa, whoa Libby, you like you think I’m about to hurt you.” He took a step toward me.
I frantically looked around for another person, not that any of the other students would be willing to do much in my defense. “Look, Russ, I’m really sorry about what I wrote on my page about you. I really am. I don’t know what you want from me, but I really have to get to class.”
Russ laughed and ducked his head. “Honestly, Libby I’d mostly forgotten all about that. That’s not what I want to talk to you about. You’re good at English right? I mean you’re in that AP class for smart kids, so you must be.”
“Uh huh.” This conversation was so weird that I couldn’t really form any words in response.
“Well,” he scratched the back of his head, “I was wondering, I mean I really have to pass this year and I know, I mean I’m pretty sure I got that scholarship, but I don’t want to be labeled some dumb jock. I’ve just fallen behind, you know? So what do you say?”
The tardy bell rang, and I stammered, “S-s-say to what? Are you asking me to tutor you?”
“Yeah, I mean, I don’t want to ask any of my friend. I mean I don’t want anyone to know. I figured you probably don’t talk to that many people…” His voice trailed off and he looked slightly embarrassed at that last comment. He cleared his throat. “We better get to class. We can set it up later.” With that he took off through the doors and left me standing with my mouth hanging open.
I tiptoed to the door of my English class, but judging from the amount of noise coming from inside, I realized Mr. Anderson must have stepped out. I quietly opened the door, and all the talking stopped. As soon as they saw it wasn’t a teacher, they ignored me and went back to their conversations. I slid into my seat just as Mr. Anderson came hurrying in the door.
“Sorry,” he said distractedly. “I was in a meeting and it ran long.”
The class period went by as usual, but I noticed he wasn’t exactly himself. He seemed more guarded with us than usual. I tried to catch his eye a couple of time so I could give him a smile to let him know I wasn’t still upset about yesterday, but he never looked in my direction. Class ended, and I waited for everyone to leave before I approached his desk.
“Um Mr. Anderson,” I started.
He looked up from the papers he was grading. “Yes Libby?” His tone was more formal than I’d ever heard it.
“About yesterday, I’m sorry I reacted like that.” I smiled to show him I was ready to make up and maybe even talk about things.
“No need for apologies. It was none of my business. You’d better get going. You’ll be late for second period.” He turned away from me and started looking through the filing cabinet behind his desk.
“Uh, oh, OK,” I stammered and walked slowly out of the room. I couldn’t believe he was so cold. I thought he would at least want to talk to me about everything like he did yesterday. I should have know once he really thought about was a rat I was, he wouldn’t want to anything to do with me. I straightened my shoulders and threw my head back. So what. I didn’t need him or anyone else. I’d be out of here soon anyway.
I was hurrying to the library during lunch when I bumped into Russ. He was with all his basketball friends. “Watch it!” Jeremy Bigs snarled. He was one of Russ’s best friends and one of my former ones. I wrote about a rumor I’d heard about him and Carl Scruggs at summer camp. Apparently, he we was still holding a grudge. Russ pretended not to see me. I lowered my head and kept walking.
I was in the library for a few minutes when Russ came in alone. He spotted me and headed to my table. “What do you say we start today?”
“Start what?” I was still so distracted about Mr. Anderson I’d forgotten about our conversation this morning.
“Duh, the tutoring,” he laughed.
“Um, I guess. Why don’t you come over to my house after school.”
“Problem,” he grimaced. “I’ve got practice after school. How about around six? You not working at the nerd video store tonight are you?”
“It’s not a nerd store,” I said sharply. I felt protective of Carly.
“Whoa, don’t get upset. I was just kidding. So six?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said.
“Great!” He slapped me on the shoulder like one of his jock buddies and left.
I still couldn’t figure out why he wanted me to tutor him or why I agreed to it. After they way he acted in the hallway, I should have told him where to shove that tutoring session, but I just didn’t have much fight left in me. I was sure there had to be some catch or set up. Jessica was probably a part of it. Something else to humiliate me even further. I probably deserved it. Now that Mr. Anderson knew- I stopped and slumped down in a chair.
A horrible realization was washing over me. Mr. Anderson knew. He was friends with Marshall. Marshall was Carly’s boyfriend. What if Mr. Anderson told Marshall about the webpage, and he told Carly? Carly would think I was a terrible person. Carly was all about being up front with people, and she was all about loyalty. The tears that I thought were all dried up welled up in my eyes, and I just let them fall. I didn’t care who saw.
At six, I was sitting anxiously on the couch. Mom was watching the news as she did a crossword puzzle. I hadn’t told her Russ was coming over. I didn’t really want him to show up. I’d been out of the social loop for so long, I’d forgotten how to have a normal conversation. The doorbell rang at 6:05, and I jumped up to answer it.
“I wonder who that could be,” Mom said absently as she flipped to the next puzzle in her book.
When I walked into the room with Russ trailing behind me still in his basketball sweats, she sat up quickly and took off her reading glasses.
“Who’s this?” she asked smiling broadly.
“Mom, this is Russ. I’m tutoring him in English. Russ this is my mom.”
“Call me Babs,” she said getting out of the chair.
“Nice to meet you ma’am,” Russ said shaking her hand.
“We’ll be in the kitchen,” I said pushing Russ away from my mom. I knew what she was thinking.
“Let me know if you need anything,” she called after us. I could feel her beaming at my back, and I realized how pathetic she thought I was.
We sat down at the table and Russ pulled out a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. I studied him as he rustled through his backpack for his binder. His brown hair was shaggy and fell in his face. He was so tall even sitting down, and I noticed how smooth the skin on his face was. I wished I were as lucky. He turned to me and grinned. His teeth were so straight that I figured he must have had braces.
“So, what’s this book about?” he asked and pushed it toward me on the table.
“You haven’t read it?” I asked incredulously. I couldn’t believe it. He just wanted me to do his homework for him.
“Of course not,” he laughed at the look on my face. “Mr. Taylor just assigned it today.”
“Oh.” I felt a little relief. “Well the first thing you need to do is read it, but I can tell you that it’s great.” He turned it over in his hands and read the back cover.
“Hey, it says here there’s a movie.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “OK, OK, I’ll read it.” He pulled out a crinkled piece of paper from the trash heap in his backpack. “These are the guiding questions.”
“When are they due?” I asked eyeing the backpack.
“Not until Thursday.”
“OK, I know where to start.”
We spent the first study session cleaning out his backpack and organizing his notebook. By the end of it, our trashcan was overflowing, and Russ’s backpack was probably lighter than it had ever been, but I hadn’t been pelted with chewed up food. I saw that as a plus. I wondered if his room looked anything like his backpack. I thought the whole thing would be weird, but it all felt strangely familiar. Sitting there in our bright kitchen with Russ was almost comfortable. He never mentioned what happened in the hallway, so neither did I. My mom came in around eight and surveyed our progress. She smiled at Russ’s back as he was putting his books away. Before he looked up, she gave me a little wink. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at her.
“You kids must be starving,” she said opening the refrigerator. “Russ, would you like to stay for dinner?” My eyes almost bugged out of my head. Studying was one thing, but I knew there was no way Russ would stoop to have dinner with the most unpopular girl at Crossroads High. I was right.
“Thanks for the invite, but my mom will be mad if I don’t eat at home. She’s holding some lasagna for me.” He slung his backpack over his shoulder as he stood up.
“Well, maybe next time,” Mom said pulling some leftovers out.
“Maybe,” Russ said. “See you later Libby.” I didn’t reply as I watched him leave through the back door.
“Libby, are you OK?”
“Yeah,” I said and headed out to my room. I ignored her calls about dinner and laid on my bed staring at the ceiling. My mind was exhausted. I didn’t even get out my laptop. When I woke up the next morning, I was still fully dressed.